Do you struggle with leading, motivating, and communicating with young people?
One of the most common questions on the minds of workplace managers today is, “How can I successfully manage the new generation of people entering the workforce?”
Researcher and professor David Yeager wrote a book titled 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People to help us better connect with, manage, and motivate young people.
My biggest takeaways from his book are that we have to clearly define, manage, and model expectations while having a Mentor Mindset.
David says our Gen Z population, people who were born between 1997 and 2012, are coming to school and work with more prior knowledge than any other generation before them, in part because of the technology that they grew up with, so how we manage, connect with, and motivate them is different than with any other generation before them.
David’s research says when we hit puberty, our brains begin to crave socially rewarding experiences, like pride, admiration, and respect – and become highly averse to social pain, such as humiliation or shame. Our young team members want to feel like they belong, respected, and valued for what they bring to the team, and if they don’t, they are more likely to become disengaged and leave for other opportunities.
Brett Ledbetter is a thinking partner with some of the best athletes, coaches, and athletic directors in the world. He says the best teams and organizations that he works with do a better job than most at clearly defining expectations, managing above-the-line and below-the-line behaviors, and modeling those expectations. In his book What Drives Winning Environments, Brett wrote:
“When an NBA general manager was asked about his role in the organization, he responded, ‘To build an environment where people can do their best work.’ How do you do that? When I ask coaches, it usually comes down to three things: How you Define, Manage, and Model your expectations.”
Defining expectations is a proactive approach (before something happens).
Managing expectations is a reactive approach (after something happens).
Modeling expectations are all the time (constant).
DEFINE
Astronaut Neil Armstrong once said, “If you’re an inch off on landing, no big deal. If you’re an inch off on takeoff, you miss the moon by a million miles.” Team success begins with having a clear vision and plan and clearly defined expectations. Defining what our expectations are, what we are here to do, why, and how helps us leave nothing to interpretation so we are all aligned. When team members aren’t doing what we expect them to do, we first ask ourselves, “How well have we defined and communicated our expectations?”
Ask yourself: What is something that I need to do a better job of defining for the people I lead, and how am I going to communicate (or re-communicate) those expectations?
Young people also need context - why are you expecting me to do it this way? Providing context and the why can help them better understand the reason behind the expectations.
MODEL
We are constantly sending signals to our team, and those signals either align with our expectations or they don’t. When they don’t align, we are sending mixed signals. What are the key characteristics or expectations that are important to you, and are you consistently modeling those things? How well are you modeling your expectations? Below is a tool that can be used to make sure your actions are aligned with your expectations:
If I want them to _________________________________________________
then I need to be _________________________________________________.
Ask yourself: What are the most important behaviors that I need to make sure that I am consistently modeling?
MANAGE
Managing is catching and praising above-the-line behavior so it gets repeated and becomes the norm while converting below-the-line behavior. Leaders have to both look for positive behaviors to praise and be willing to have difficult conversations to manage and convert negative behaviors in a way that aligns with their core values When team members aren’t doing what we expect them to, we ask ourselves, “How well are we managing our expectations and their behaviors?”
Ask yourself: How do you catch and praise above-the-line behaviors? How do you catch and convert below-the-line behaviors?
The Mentor Mindset
How we catch, praise, and address expectations can make or break both future performance and relationships.
Author and Harvard researcher Francesca Gino says there are two important dimensions of leadership and coaching:
- Relationships: I build relationships first to drive performance.
- Expectations: I establish clear expectations first to drive performance.
Reflection Question: Which side and number are you on the line? Do you lean more towards expectations or relationships?
In his book, David Yeager says most managers lean on one of two mindsets:
- Enforcer Mindset: High performers don’t need a lot of support, so we need to have high expectations and demand high performance.
- Supporter Mindset: We already have high expectations that can make it
However, he says the most effective leaders have a Mentor Mindset that is high in both expectations and relationships. They have high expectations, and they provide the right level of support to help you reach those expectations.
Key Characteristics of a Mentor Mindset:
High Expectations: Mentors believe that the people they are leading, managing, and mentoring have a lot of potential, so they have expectations for them to grow into.
High Support: Mentors build, grow, and develop their people so that they can achieve those high expectations.
Great Communicators: Mentors have regular check-ins to monitor progress, and provide feedback in a way that is heard and acted on. Their feedback communicates the belief they have in the people they are leading, and what they need to do to grow and perform at the level expected.
Ask Questions: Mentors ask more questions than they give answers. They believe most of the answers are already within us, and asking the right questions brings those answers out of us.
Great Listeners: Mentors are great listeners:
Avoid Response Distraction: If your brain can only hold one thought at a time and you’re thinking about how you are going to respond, you’re not fully engaged with listening.
Don’t fill the space: Blank spaces and silence are where internal discovery happens. If they don’t know the answer to a question, that means they are growing while stretching to find it.
Make them feel comfortable: The more comfortable you are asking questions, the more comfortable they’ll be at answering them.
Master your non-verbals: Your non-verbals communicate more than your words, so make sure you are non-verbally communicating what you want to communicate.
Write their answers down: This shows you are taking their thoughts seriously, helps you process what they are saying, and the lack of eye contact can make them feel comfortable.
Ask Great Follow-Up Questions
Aim for at least 3-5 follow-up questions to gain a better understanding
Use 8 words or less to keep the pace going (don’t dominate the conversation)
Don’t judge
No I’s; only you’s. Keep it about them; don’t make it about you.
6 Strategies for Becoming a Better Mentor
In an interview, David Yeager gave 5 strategies for becoming a better mentor. I’ve added a 6th from my personal experience:
1 - Transparency: Explain and define what you are doing, your standards, and high support, a little bit more than you think you need to. Many people assume the worst from us as leaders unless we give them context, are very transparent, and explain why. Yeager says, “Say something transparent about your intentions about three times more than you think.”
Wise Feedback: I’m providing you with this feedback because I have very high standards and I believe you can meet them.
2 - Questioning: Mentors are tempted to explain everything: I have thought through what is good for your future, and if only you would listen to me, you would make wise choices. The best mentors ask questions 3-4 times more than they tell information. They hardly ever provide direct feedback or give praise - they question to put the burden back on the mentee to do the thinking. Teach them how to have a coach in their head.
What do you want to do, who do you want to be, and how do your goals fit in with the goals of the team?
3 - Stress: If you are pushing people to their limits and beyond what they think they are capable of, they will feel some stress. The normal message in our society around stress is to give up on it, but running from it instead of growing through it is bad for young people, makes the stress worse, or keeps them from leveling up. Teach them how stress can make them better. Teach them how stress can be enhanced and help them when you embrace those difficulties and learn from stress. Teach them that stress is a normal part of the journey and how to manage it better (but in a healthy way because too much unhealthy stress is good for no one).
Stress lets you know you are growing. What can you learn from this?
4 - Belonging: Our brains are wired for connection, belonging, and survival, not success. When we don’t have that connection, or when we sense a threat, our brains focus on the threat or lack of connection and they can’t focus on learning and thriving. We can’t focus on doing our job when we are focused on whether or not we belong, so effective leaders create a sense of belonging early and often. Leaders also explain that truly feeling like you belong takes time, so they help you reframe social difficulties as a root to belonging.
I understand what you are going through. When we first started, we also went through this. How can I support you?
5 - Purpose: Everything you are going through now is helping you build skills that will help you grow and better impact the world around you. Everything hard now is not just a sacrifice for good things to come in the future; difficulties now are a sign that you are doing something meaningful, purposeful, and potentially bigger than you could imagine.
What can I learn from what I am going through, and how can I use it to make myself and the world around me better?
6 - Validate, Validate, Validate: David did not mention this 6th strategy, but this is something I have observed. Connectivity and great ideas come from an environment that encourages the free and open expression of ideas, opinions, and beliefs. Even if you don’t agree with their opinions or ideas, validate where it is coming from and their experiences. Shutting anyone down, especially a young person who is still trying to find their space, status, and respect, can negatively affect future performance and relationships.
I appreciate you and what you bring to the team. Can you tell me more?
The Mentor Matrix
The most effective leaders have a Mentor Mindset that is high in both expectations and relationships. They have high expectations, and they provide the right level of support to help you reach those expectations.
SOMETHING(s) TO THINK ABOUT
1 - Which mindset do you naturally lean towards and why: Enforcer Mindset, Supporter Mindset, or Mentor Mindset?
2 - Which key characteristic of a Mentor Mindset do you do best?
3 - Which key characteristic of a Mentor Mindset is your biggest area of growth?
4 - Which of the 6 strategies do you do best?
5 - Which of the 6 strategies is your biggest area of growth?
For a printable PDF version of this post, click here: Mentor Mindset
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