Have you ever been so paralyzed by fear, anxiety, or doubt that you freeze and can’t move or make a decision?
I have been stuck in what is called The Doom Loop a few more times than I would like to admit.
The Doom Loop is getting stuck in an endless loop of overthinking, and this struggle can steal your time, attention, and energy.
Imagine this: You make a mistake and start having negative thoughts about yourself and your ability. Those negative thoughts lead to doubt and inaction, which leads to another mistake. The new mistake leads you to more negative thoughts and doubts, and now you are spiraling through the Doom Loop.
We have millions of thoughts swimming through our minds all day like schools of fish swimming through water, and if we don’t manage or control them, they will start to manage and control us.
Therapist Emma McAdam says what we think colors our view of the world. Our thoughts and experiences impact how we feel about ourselves and others.
This can help us or hurt us. They help us when our thoughts and experiences paint a positive view, and they hurt us when they paint a negative view.
Emma also says your thoughts are like glasses; they are the lens through which you see the world. When you see yourself through dark, negative lenses, you can risk getting and staying stuck in The Doom Loop.
But did you know you can look at your thoughts instead of through them by taking off your glasses, looking at them, and deciding if you want to hold on to them or choose a different pair?
Fusion vs Diffusion
Your brain is a word machine that thinks and says stuff non-stop. Cognitive fusion is when look through the lens of your thoughts and get stuck to them. It’s when you buy into and believe every thought that passes through your mind.
Diffusion is the opposite. It is when you are able to have a thought, see it as just a thought, and separate yourself from those thoughts. When you can do this, you can have power over your thoughts instead of allowing them to have power over you.
You can separate yourself from your thoughts when you recognize them and choose which ones you want to keep and which ones you want to let go of.
Separate yourself from your thoughts by seeing them as things, not who you are. Below are a few ways to do so.
1 - Get Rid of Bad Rules
Don’t allow negative thoughts to become rules. Rules are ideas, thoughts, or values that you believe to be true. Rules can be good or bad, positive or negative, helpful or hurtful.
Negative rules include:
I need to be perfect.
I can’t miss or make mistakes.
If I’m not the best, I’m not worthy.
My coach doesn’t like me when he gets on to me or criticizes me.
Positive rules include:
Don’t let perfection get in the way of growth and greatness.
Learn from your misses or mistakes.
Your best is always good enough.
My coach gets on to me and criticizes me because they care and see my potential.
Notice the rules that run through your mind as thoughts and look at them, not through them, so you don’t get stuck to them. One rule we teach to let go of is the rule of perfection. You don’t have to be perfect to be great or accepted. In fact, nobody is perfect, so the rule we have is, “Don’t let perfection get in the way of greatness or growth.”
Another rule I live by is, “You don’t have to have a lot of friends or need everyone to like you to be happy.” Instead, enjoy yourself, know what brings you joy and peace, and find time to practice gratefulness every day.
Boxing legend Floyd Mayweather once said, “When you’re doing good, they’ll have something to say, and when you're doing bad, they’ll have something to say, so do whatever makes you happy.”
A positive rule based on this is, “Do what makes you happy.”
Michael Jordan once said, “You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them. Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, and others make it happen.”
He believed that confidence comes from mastering the fundamentals and practicing them over and over and also said, “If you have doubt or concern about a shot or feel the 'pressure' of that shot, it's because you haven't practiced it enough.” A positive example of a rule based on this is, “Work hard in the dark so you can perform in the light,” or, “Confidence comes from the work you put in.”
What are some rules that you live by? What rules help you? What rules are holding you back and keeping you stuck in The Doom Loop?
2 - Name Your Thoughts
Thoughts are things, not who you are, and when you give your thoughts a name, you can separate yourself from your thoughts.
Some names you can use are:
Bully thoughts
Mean thoughts
Anxious thoughts
Fearful thoughts
Other names you can use are:
Strong thoughts
Kind thoughts
Peaceful thoughts
Confident thoughts
3 - Write Them Down
Bruce Lee once said, “Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells, that's why it's called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself, and you can change your life.” He also said, “I have a system of ridding my mind of negative thoughts. I visualize myself writing them down on a piece of paper. Then I imagine myself crumpling up the paper, lighting it on fire, and burning it to a crisp.”
Simply writing your thoughts down helps you separate yourself from your thoughts.
3 - Put Your Thoughts in a Box
One person said when she was a young girl, she had trouble falling asleep because of her anxious thoughts. She said her mom taught her to see her negative thoughts as little strings and would have her physically grab each one and place them on her nightstand. Her mom would then say they would be there for her to grab in the morning if she wanted to, but since she sat them aside for the night, she could just focus on sleep.
Naming the thoughts you have can put them in a box. When you put them in a box, you separate who you are from them, and you can have more control over your thoughts.
Don’t let anxious thoughts or The Doom Loop control your life. No one is perfect, and we get better at what we do with time and practice. When you have negative thoughts, remind yourself of that, and remind yourself that you are on a journey and you just haven’t reached your destination yet.
Keep going. Be nice to yourself. Embrace the challenges and obstacles in your way as opportunities to get better and to learn more about yourself.
Think about the good things you do, the growth you’ve made, and the people you impact positively every day.
Don’t let the negative thoughts overshadow all the good you have done and will do.
Fight the good fight - the battle in your mind.
Something(s) to Think About
1 - What was your biggest takeaway from this post?
2 - Do you ever catch yourself stuck in The Doom Loop? If so, how do you get out of it?
3 - What is one thing you do, or can do, to get unstuck when you get caught in your negative thoughts or feelings?
For a printable PDF version of this post, click here: Escaping the Doom Loop
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