Have you ever noticed how bad news and bad feelings seem to linger longer than good News and feelings? Life is full of ups and downs, and if you are looking for ways to be negative, you can always find them.
The phenomenon that describes why we tend to focus on negative thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences more than positive ones is called Negativity Bias.
I’ve heard researchers and psychologists say we experience and hold on to negative experiences 5-10 times longer than positive ones, so choosing joy and choosing to enjoy everyday life can be game changers and difference makers for people.
We have the ability to have joy every day, not just ‘when’ - when the weekend comes … when we have a good game … when something good happens to us.
Joy is defined as ‘great pleasure or happiness,’ a source or object of pleasure or satisfaction,’ and, ‘to derive pleasure from or relish.’
Joy is more than just happiness. Happiness is an outward expression we feel and show when good things happen to us, but joy is a deeper, inner feeling that we can experience no matter what is going on around us. Joy endures obstacles and trials because it is connected with meaning and purpose.
We might not always be or feel happy, but we can always find joy in the things we do, and if you can find joy in everyday life, You can live a more positive and more productive life.
What Keeps You From Having Joy?
1 - Comparison is the Thief of Joy
We are both the most connected generation ever and the loneliest generation ever, and a lot of it has to do with advances in technology; especially social media. Through social media, I can connect with people all over the world, but those connections are limited to what people want us to see. We often use our social media to showcase the best parts of our lives, so when we are comparing ourselves to the people we see online, we are comparing ourselves to the highlight videos of other people, and not the full picture. Social media is a great tool, but it’s only a tool.
Don’t let the thief of comparison steal your joy.
2 - Arrival Fallacy - The Power of When
The Arrival Fallacy is the false assumption that you will be happy or experience joy when you get or achieve something. It is believing that when something happens, like when we achieve a goal, win an award, or get recognition for something, all our problems will go away and our lives will be perfect. The problem with the Arrival Fallacy is that when we achieve something, we get a temporary satisfaction that doesn’t ever last forever, and that taste of satisfaction leaves us wanting more.
3 - Hedonic Treadmill
The Hedonic Treadmill is the rat race we find ourselves in while chasing the Arrival Fallacy. It is the idea that our level of happiness, after rising or falling in response to something positive or negative, ultimately moves back to where it was before these experiences; no matter how happy we get when we hit the big shot or win the championship, we always come back down. When we think our lives and feelings will change when we achieve something and get that hit of satisfaction, that feeling can be intoxicating and addicting, giving us a high to chase. Then, we find ourselves stuck chasing money, power, fortune, and fame. The problem is if we don’t define what enough is for us, no amount of money, power, fortune, or fame will ever be enough, and we will stay on the treadmill or in the rat race forever.
So, how do we overcome these barriers and find joy?
1 - Have a Vision for Yourself and Define Enough
Know who you are, what you want to do, and who you want to be. Every time you reach a milestone, pause; reflect, and practice gratitude. Roman philosopher Seneca once wrote, “If one does not know which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable.” Define what success and joy are for you so you don’t have to constantly look for happiness and joy in different places, and define what enough is for you. If you don’t know what enough is for you, you will never get enough of anything because you will always be stuck chasing more - more money, a bigger house, more scholarship offers. Sometimes that is good; you want to stay humble. But if you don’t, you might be living the life you have always dreamed of, but if you’re stuck wanting more, you will never realize it and enjoy it. What do you need to feel secure, satisfied, and happy? Define this so you aren’t stuck in a race to nowhere.
2 - Practice Gratitude
Author Jon Gordon often says you can’t feel blessed and stressed at the same time, so actively thinking about 5 things you are grateful for can help you find the good around you and help you experience more joy. Make it a habit to think about 5 things that you are grateful for every morning and every night, and when you are feeling down or unhappy, write down 20 things you are grateful for. Over time, you can actually rewire your brain to be more positive by constantly looking for the good in life.
3 - Make Peace With Unhappiness
Arthur C. Brook is a professor of leadership and happiness at Harvard University. He says unhappiness is okay; accept your unhappiness. Without unhappiness, you wouldn’t survive, learn, or come up with good ideas. Even if you could get rid of unhappiness, it would be a huge mistake. Brooks says he tells students at Harvard when they are feeling anxious, they are supposed to. Harvard is one of the top universities in the world, so feeling anxious at a place like that is normal.
Instead of thinking something is wrong with you when you are sad or anxious, ask yourself, “What am I feeling sad about? What is this feeling telling me, or what can I learn from it?”
4 - Do Something Good for Someone Else
In his book, Build the Life You Want, Arthur C. Brooks says there’s a simple three-part formula for improving your happiness: understand the science behind it, apply that information to your life, and share that knowledge with others. Helping others by sharing your knowledge, experiences, and what you learn with others can bring you joy. Even sharing your toughest trials can help bring joy because it shows people that they aren’t alone and we go through a lot of the same trials.
Choose joy. Focus on the good things in your life so you can enjoy everyday life. Nobody wants to be miserable; choose joy.
SOMETHING(s) TO THINK ABOUT
1 - What is your biggest takeaway from this post?
2 - What is one thing that brings you joy?
3 - When do you feel unhappy and not joyful?
4 - What can you do to find joy when you are feeling down and find your joy.
For a printable version of this post, click here: Choose Joy
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